Let’s see… what to write for my first blog post?
Welcome.
Welcome to my journey.
Let me tell you about my head.. right now..
hmm… bear with me here cause the excitement of starting a blog and the nervousness of “oh shit I did it now what do I write? nobody is ever going to read this anyway!” is getting to me right now… like should I start with bullet points? Number my main thoughts? People do love lists!
Okay so I guess I should start out by telling you a little bit about my life… seems fair enough…
Present: I am 23. I am a college student… or something like that.. I should be studying right now… or doing my homework. But instead I was like “Why not start a blog right now instead!?” I’m at a point in my life…. where I have crossed over to looking past the repercussions of certain chunks of my life… that “oh well I guess I deserve it” attitude.
Allow me to explain… after 12 years after my mother passing away I have finally decided to start taking antidepressants… (afterthought: I haven’t taken my dose for today)… anyway! Let’s see .. why do you need to know that? I guess you need to know that because I assume you already have some preconceived notion of people who take anti-depressants already… I’m pretty sure at some point I did too. Right now I don’t feel like I have a “notion” of anything… I am just writing… writing spontaneously… writing the first things that come into my head .. the ones that sound like actual sentences and words .. 🙂
Stay on track… stay on track… about myself… aboooout myself.. I live in an apartment, I have one roommate, one dog, a job, I am a minimalist… WHAT ELSE DO YOU PEOPLE WANT TO KNOW ABOUT ME! let’s see.. recollect.. I try to find meaning in a lot of things where people tell me “I’m over-analyzing things” or “Why does it bother you so much?” I seek for rationalization and explanation in every encounter… why people are the way they are… why society is the way it is… why I feel the way I do.. why I don’t empathize with the word “feel” anymore… it’s more like a lack of “feel” a “lack of touch” . If I could replace the word “feel” with “lack of touch” right now in every sentence for which I would write feel … that would feel/lack of touch right…
Definition – Lack of Touch (mentality) : If I fail, I deserve it. If people want to be dicks… let them be… If people want to say this… they have their reasons… to be continued…
Maybe you should know that I just texted my ex-boyfriend “Do you think of me?” To which he replied “Yes… I miss you” and I wrote back “I think about you too”… and that was the end of that conversation… or maybe not.. he might reply he might not… doesn’t matter.
Maybe you should know that the only thing I’ve done today is eat one two-bite brownie (which I ate in one bite by the way) and a couple gulps of milk and I took out my dog.
Maybe you should know that I skipped my first class today with the thought of “Oh I’ll make it up tomorrow”…
Maybe you should know that I am perfectly okay with just sitting here and thinking all day… and “lack-of-touching”
Maybe you should know that yesterday I was contemplating suicide which is one of the reasons that probably pushed me to starting this blog
Maybe you should know that I feel(L.O.T) that half of my (if I dare say) “problems” come from technology – I will expand on this in a different blog post… I know I’m writing a blog (“what a hypocrite”) 😉
I have a strong urge to say that I don’t want this to be MY blog. I want this to be YOUR blog. If you want to write a post and send it to me because you don’t have the time to manage your own blog or just need help in expressing your ideas/thoughts in words (everyone does.. I mean listen to me.. please) then message me a post! I don’t want comments I want posts! If you write to me, send me a ramble of your thoughts please. Something I can re-post. And give me time to think. I don’t just want this blog to be just about me. I want to be like “THIS is one of my readers! He went to the Grand Canyon this weekend check out these cool pictures!” Write me a post about nearly anything if you relate to my scattered train of thoughts.
Let’s start out the first topic in the next blog post okay? Let’s do this together… Let me post your ideas.. I can be your “middle man” or perhaps “middle writer” (bad pun? okay..)
Since I don’t expect to have any readers yet the first topic will be probably just me writing about the topic from my different personas and pretending I have friends. You can change that.
Now if you’ll excuse me… I’m going to go eat another two-bite brownie.
A Cup of Tea with a Motherless Child 