I just lost a friend… for no good reason

Hello everybody…

Where do I even begin?

I guess I’ll start by telling you what is going on inside of me….

I feel like I have a 2 pound weight sitting on my chest. I am thoroughly upset yet I cannot seem to cry…

Don’t get me wrong… I kind of want to cry… I feel like if I cried maybe I would feel better afterwards but I just can’t. Anyone ever felt like this before? Like why can’t I cry right now?

Writing is proving to be insanely difficult at the moment…

And if you are wondering what triggered this… Well for the first time in my life last night.. I just lost a friend for no particular reason…

Completely out of the blue… no warning.. no explanation… nothing.

So maybe the reason I can’t cry right now is because I am still in denial?

I don’t know… All I know is that is a matter of hours a person can go from “Hey (insert term of endearment here), I was just thinking about you yesterday, how’s school?” to “Let’s just stop being friends.” That sudden. I asked them if I offended them in any way… To which they replied “No.”

I asked them “I thought you wanted to be friends… Did I miss something here?”

To which they replied “No you didn’t.”

Do you see where I am lost?

If I didn’t miss something… which means they just wanted to be friends and I did not offend them in anyway…. and they were supposedly “just thinking of me yesterday”

Where did the sudden change of heart occur?

Not knowing is so hurtful.

I am a good genuine person with nothing but the best intentions. I have no ulterior motives with people I call my friends other than just being a friend. I would never EVER do something to hurt someone. And if I unintentionally said or did something that hurt or offended a person or made them feel uncomfortable I would rectify the situation by apologizing, making it up to them, clearing up the misinterpretation, or giving them an explanation for my actions/words.

To me, if I call you my friend. I value you as a person. You are NOT dispensable.

It hurts so much to have to go through this. Someone just dropping you out of the blue with no explanation. This has never happened to me.

I’ve never ever been in a position where someone would do this to me without having SOME idea of what I could potentially have done. Or how the situation came about.

I am dumbfounded.

Like have I been ghosted before? Yes, of course I have. Who hasn’t? But I’ve always known why or at least had an idea of why … whether it was a potential suitor who wasn’t really that interested… to a “friend” that was just using me …to someone I might of unintentionally hurt, misled, or made feel uncomfortable.

But I’m not being ghosted here… I’m being cut off… for no reason.

So here I am just having to force down my throat the idea that

“Bad things happen to good people.”

I won’t let the world break me. I am going to continue being a good person.

But I am so upset right now… unable to cry.

There has to be something really messed up with these kind of people..

I pray for nothing but healing for them.

…and healing for me.

 

Sincerely,

Your Neighborhood Motherless Child