A slither of Transcendence

Hello Motherless Children!!!!

I am absolutely terrible in upkeeping my blog. It’s been so long since I’ve written anything and on top of that my last post was a little sad… Not a good look, not a good look. I have been busy though, a good kind of busy. It’s hard to believe, but in a year’s time I have been able to make so many positive changes in my life it has been so refreshing. The girl I was during the time period in which I wrote my last post was going through a lot. She needed a wake up call. And she did have one. I have so much to write about now and it feels so good to just let the words flow. So how bout we go over these positive changes?

So for starters, I got a new job. Exactly one year ago I left a job that I had been working for 3 years. I had a hard time coming to terms with the fact that I was miserable at that job. I kept making excuses for myself, hoping that things would change, and also take into account that I am not the kind of person that often stays quiet when I think there should be some kind of change. I did not feel valued at this job. I felt like sometimes people just walked over me and I was in a managerial position too. I am so happy I left. It was such a positive change in my life and it did so much for my mental health. It took a lot for me to figure out that I needed to make this change and honestly it was not a smooth transition to my current job now. It wasn’t until I was closing everything down at my previous job, tears falling down my face, that I just got fed up and quit. (without having found a new job yet…. 😀 like I said… rocky transition) In the gap of when I quit my job of 3 years and found my current job, let me tell you! I got a side gig working online (which I still do so technically you can say I have 2 jobs but not the point) but that didn’t make enough money on it’s own because the hours were too random. I waited tables…. that last exactly one week… :D. I applied to a couple of places I never heard back from… of course that is part of the journey. But at last! I got into my current job. It’s a good government job since I work for a school but I’m so absolutely pleased!

In my new job, I have a GREAT boss. She is a joy to be around and I really feel like I can be open with her and she is super down to earth and best of all ORGANIZED. In all my work experience, I’ve come to value so much what it is to have an organized boss. It makes such a positive impact on the overall work environment. My co-workers are super chill and easy to get along with. The workload is manageable. And the best part is that 1.) I feel valued. And 2.) I have SO MUCH LESS responsibility than my previous job and I get paid more too. 🙂 On top of everything I’m grateful. I am so GRATEFUL for this opportunity. Even during these hard times right now with social distancing and quarantine, I am still employed in both of my jobs and I can work remotely in both of them and I am so fortunate thank the Lawd!

On with the changes, I made new friends. Real friendships that I feel will last. It is so important to have friends guys. People you can just shoot the shit with, laugh, cry, whatever you need to do. The girl that wrote that last post… actually I had JUST met my current friends shortly after or before that sad post but I didn’t know that our friendship would flourish the way it did. So for that, again, I am GRATEFUL.

I am back in school, making moves. I had been out of school since December 2018 to August 2019. Boy does it feel good to be back in school! Not just that but this May I will be getting a degree! – not my final degree but a degree nonetheless which means that afterwards I will be getting paid even more at my job yessir! Being out of school for a time was good, it made me put a lot of things into perspective. I started to question a lot of things and I even had a short, you could say “existential crisis.” But by the time the summer came exactly one 1/2 year after I left school… I started to get a little reckless and it led me to a gloomy state of mind. So that’s something i want to touch on…

I mentioned that the girl that wrote that last post was going through a lot so here goes… I was not taking care of myself. I was letting my physical health spiral. I was letting my self-esteem drop at an alarming rate. I started dating pieces of shit that I knew from the get-go were not good for me. It’s like I was trying to force myself into a wall so I could bounce right back but the wall didn’t hit me like I wanted it to. (But I still bounced back though!) I wanted to reach a point of utter despair because I was all to familiar with despair and I wanted something to feel familiar but instead… I felt nothing. Now, for any of you that have ever been so afflicted to the point where you wished “you felt nothing at all.” Let me speak to you. NO YOU DON’T!!! I can’t emphasize this enough.

Being unable to feel something… is way worse. How can I put this better….? When you feel afflicted… you cry and find release. Believe me when I say this CRYING IS HEALTHY. But when you want to feel sad about something, or mad, or even frustrated but can’t is the craziest “not-feeling” you can experience. It’s like if your mind is telling your body “you need to be upset so you can get to the other side” but your heart is like “Sorry I’m out.” The sense of emptiness, the coldness, the nothingness will alarm you. And it’s a scary sensation because it lasts several days, and you start to question “Is this going to be it from now on?” You just can’t find release. It’s like if you had extreme nausea and couldn’t throw up. Or if you had a severe case of allergies but couldn’t sneeze. It sucks. So don’t wish that. But now that I’ve stressed that. Lets keep going…

That girl needed a wake up call. That girl needed healing. I was just about to write “So how did I get from being that girl to where I am now?” But I don’t want to sound like a damn infomercial. ;P Seriously though, this is not where I was going with this post at all but it’s something that needs to be documented so that I can reflect on it at a later time.

The Way To Healing.

Now I am not going to recommend any medicinal herbs. I am not going to tell you how I went on some far away exotic trip or retreat like in the movies. I’m not going to tell you what you should do. You do you playa. I’m just going to break it down for you what it was that I had to do to start getting my shit together. Take it how you may. I’m going to put it in a list format because I want to. Hehe 🙂

1.) Background – So before I get into what measures I took to start changing things up, a little background for you that I actually learned about (in health class) after I decided to do what the girl did… there are these things called Dimensions of Wellness.

And if you’re a methodical person like me this might help you get the picture. So the Dimensions of Wellness are the components that need to be up-kept in order to feel healthy. I’ll go into some basic psychology later to tie these concepts and how they relate to everything else. But basically every facet of your health life is divided into categories.

There’s your mental health, emotional health, physical health, environmental health, financial health, social health and cultural health.

Now all of these things tie into each other in one way or another. But in order for you to start being proactive about your overall well-being it’s always good to get your mind organized first and this is a good way of doing it. To put it pictorially, imagine a bar chart. Each bar in the chart represents a different dimension of wellness, in order to start feeling better, or feeling anything at all you must make sure each bar in that chart is either at a healthy level or slowly working it’s way up to a healthy level. The point is of course not to do anything at all or those levels will drop.

2.) The Cleanse – After I reached a certain point of bleak numbness and batshittery, I decided to do a cleanse. And now I don’t mean like a juice cleanse or paleo or keto or whatever, those are great I’m sure but that’s not it was. My cleanse was to be something more tailored to me. It had to include some kind of spiritual element, physical element and such. You tailor yours to you. So I set out the terms to my cleanse during this cleanse I was to:

• Stop cursing and swearing (I know you’re probably thinking “you just said “batshittery”” yeah it wasn’t easy okay…)
• Stop watching TV (with the only exception of Youtube workout videos)
• Not submit to lustful thoughts (you make your own judgement here)
• No processed sugars (with the exception of Silk Chocolate Protein Milk)
• No social media (only minor texting to friends or fam)

for 30 days straight.

It was a piece of cake.

Pffffffffffffffffffft. No it wasn’t. The first week was a complete disaster. And I did cave that first week. But I caved, I went to bed and the next day went at it again. Did it suck? Yeah it did, duh. My friends thought I was crazy putting such strict conditions on myself. I was often told “IDK how you can do that.” And I told them “IDK either.” But I did it. By the middle to end of the second week it got a lot easier. And I started to feel this slight sense of “okayness.” By the 3rd week, I was rocking it.

I felt so at peace, so balanced, so in sync with the world. My family members were so impressed with my new outlook, attitude, and mental state. Nothing could tear me down it was such an awesome feeling that I started to question how I was going to transition back. Now maybe you’re wondering if I felt so great why did I just make it for 30 days and not just kept on trucking like this indefinitely. Well… because I love sugar. JK JK

No. I did this because I wanted to exercise discipline.

Control over my temptations. Control over my mental disorganization and over-stimulation (Side note: read The Organized Mind by Daniel Levitin). Control over my emotional turmoil.

It’s like if you are an alcoholic it’s difficult enough to stop drinking altogether but it’s even harder to drink again and maintaining control.

I knew that I needed to re-set and this was the perfect way for me to do that. On top of everything, like I said you do you, but I have Christian roots so for those 30 days I prayed every day. Even if it was a short little prayer, I made sure it was meaningful. So if you need to recite your mantras or meditate or do you want you gotta do it is important you have a force that keeps you grounded. So thus, I ended up calling it “A Spiritual Cleanse.”

3.) The Hierarchy of Needs (And How Everything Ties into Each Other) – If you’re not familiar with Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs look it up. It’s best to see the pyramid, trust me. (I’m no psychologist, eventhough I’ve had a lot of experience with mental issues if yuh-know-what-I’m-sayin..(smirk))

Why did my cleanse work so well to offset all the shit that was going on with me?

Because in doing this cleanse I cut out distractions to focus on my physiological needs – exercise, proper nutrition, and such

In feeling like “I was doing something right in the world” made me feel a sense of security. If you believe in karma, apply that here.

Focusing on the relationships that really mattered like healthy friendships instead of trash boys was a proactive step toward my social health.

The sense of esteem that I acquired from exercising, and knowing that I was doing something healthy for myself overshadowed all negativity.

I felt like I was driving myself closer to my full potential.

And sticking myself deep into my spiritual beliefs through it all gave me a slither of transcendence.

Tying it into the Dimensions of Wellness:

Mentally – I stayed engaged because since I could not watch TV, I read books, solved puzzles, got creative in the kitchen.

Emotionally – I stayed active because I wrote some poems and songs.

Physically – I exercised and started eating right.

Socially – I put in time and effort into these new friendships and once I realized which ones were valuable I pursued them.

Unrelated but Culturally I danced around to some folkloric music

Environmentally & Financially, well it all started when I took that step to leave that job and put in the work to find a better job which I did.

All I can say is that the cleanse is not a solution guys.

But it’s a start.

 

I bow out,

Your Neighborhood Motherless Child

P.S I forgot to mention how before I started my cleanse I went one full day without eating anything. One entire day of fasting, no food just water. Don’t worry, you don’t have to. Just thought I’d mention it.